#i have no idea what his sense of humor is

[lacesoflove]

NOW SHOWING: NSFW ALPHABET

WARNINGS — afab!reader. y/n has no racial/ethnic marker but does have curly hair. nsfw content. mentions of drug usage. also, the dirty secret headcanon might be gross to some.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — wrote this after i lost all my draft fics and before i rewrote them so i used this as a way to get into writing again. not proofread properly and again, these are my headcanons. Also snuck a lyric from Gigi Perez’s Sailor Song somewhere in here, somehow.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Hyperattentive towards you after sex. Will always run a bath or shower for both of you (or just you if you want some distance), if you have no leftover energy for a shower/bath, he’ll clean you up with a soft towel after leaving you in ruins and both of you will eventually just cuddle next to each other or watch Netflix together or have a session together.

B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Wouldn’t really say he’s insecure but he doesn’t particularly have a favourite of his own, besides maybe his curls (which don’t really count) until you come along and teach him how to love himself a bit more. He likes any part of his body that brings you pleasure, so i.e his hands, thighs and cock.

He likes your eyes and how they hold so much love for him. He also likes your curls because they mirror his own and he likes seeing that similarity between you both. He also likes your tits. Like a lot.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Deathly afraid of having kids, at the current stage, so when y’all are getting to business it’s definitely wrapped before you get tapped. But in the few and far in-between incidents where the notion of using a condom has been abandoned, this man is cumming on you. He loves seeing your tits painted in his seed.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Enjoys kissing you after either one of you has given the other oral. It might be gross, but the concept of mixing each other’s juices makes it feel like you're both fusing together in a sense. At least that’s how his line of logic works.

Also has a secret mommy/daddy kink depending on the day, and whether or not he’s feeling more dominant or submissive. Definitely had to excuse himself to the nearest bathroom when you called him daddy/asked to be called mommy as a joke.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Experienced enough to get a good idea of the female body and its anatomy, but doesn’t feel like he’s experienced enough to be overly confident.

…Even though the amount of orgasms you’ve had at the hand of this man says otherwise.

F = Favourite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary or whenever you ride him. He, as aforementioned, likes your eyes, hair and tits and these positions allow him to make eye contact as well as watch your tits and hair bounce to rhythm of his cock.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

When sober, he’s definitely too enamoured with you and the entire moment to laugh or be goofy, although that’s not to say that the moment is too serious or that either of you don’t let out little chuckles here and there. Both of you are just too whiny to let out anything other than moans most of the time.

When high? Oh, this man cannot take a single thing seriously. Everything sends him to a fit of giggles because he’s just so happy to have you like that.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

.

We’ve all seen his leg hair at this point. He’s hairy and will only really bother to groom at your request. He also has a happy trail that definitely makes you happy.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Deep down, he’s a hopeless romantic, so he loves those quiet moments together that let you feel how much he cares and he’ll always try to bring an element of soft, gentle and pure love even when he’s fucking you like there’s no tomorrow.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Doesn’t jack off often, because he’s regularly, sexually occupied by you and your body. But when he can’t fuck you he’ll fuck himself (whilst thinking of fucking you). Sometimes feels like a pathetic loser when he jerks off to the idea of you. The feeling of being a pathetic loser sometimes, inadvertently, makes him get hornier.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Not really kinks but thing’s he’s into: hair pulling (on him), cumming on you, praise, watching you beg for him.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Loves doing it in the bedroom, or shower. Anywhere private so he feels like he has you all to himself. Although the idea of doing it in a public place so everybody hears how desperate you get for him has crossed his mind more times than he’d like to admit

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Seeing you want him. Any of your tiny signals, from batting your eyelashes to running your tongue over your bottom lip, that alert him that you want to do something with him are enough. It doesn’t take much to get him going

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Choking or anything along the lines of seriously harming you. Not a total turnoff, but isn’t something that he’s enthusiastically into either.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves receiving and seeing that glassy look in your eyes as your mouth is full of him - however, he enjoys giving more. And you don’t complain. He’s good at it. He’s a sucker for holding your hand through it, and gazing up at you as his face is coated in your arousal.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Bit of both. Doesn’t try to go too fast so he has time to savour the moment, but also gets impatient quickly.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

In theory, he understands them - sometimes he just wants to fuck you, even if it’s not for long. But in practice? Hates them. One of the most important things about making love with you is to have time to enjoy you. He’d rather not have sex with you than a quickie unless he’s desperately horny. And even then, he’ll go back for a longer round 2.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

When sober? Not really, however, during post-smoke sesh foreplay, he’ll throw out the idea of doing something more experimental with you. It’s 50/50 on whether you two go through with it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Realistically, he does not have the best stamina, so maybe 3 rounds (with the promise that you both finish). But ideally this man could go forever until you want to sit it out.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Doesn’t use toys on himself. But definitely enjoys watching you use your wand on yourself in phone calls when you’re apart.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Enjoys teasing you because he enjoys seeing you flustered and whine for him to fuck you. Teases often but never for too long. He’s not big on denying you what you want for too long.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Quiet, partly due to embarrassment and also partly because he’s a whimperer. The only coherent phrases slipping out from this boy’s mouth is your name and frantic “I love you”’s repeated over and over again.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Definitely a soft dom or submissive top.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Ever so slightly girthier and longer than average. Pretty much perfect.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Would not describe himself as a horny person but the fact that it’s quite easy for him to think about you and you only and get hard, even with the thoughts being within an innocent context, and get hard begs to differ. He is subscribed to the mantra that if pleasure calls, he follows.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If high, he’ll fall asleep after finishing up aftercare. If not, he’ll typically be up, even if you’ve long fallen to the entrapment of slumber, watching you and lamenting over the fact he gets to touch and be with you the way that he does <3

TAGLIST — @lordofthefrogs11 @titus-androgynous-69 @adiormoi (taglist is open, just lmk if you want to be added)

[rebelliousmuse]

Diss Track - M.S and C.S.

Warnings: slight smut, unprotected p in v (use condoms).

------------------------------------------------------------

Matt and you have been casually dating for a few months now. You've developed a comfortable, easygoing friendship with benefits. He's a wonderful guy—sweet, kind, incredibly attractive, and always keeps you entertained with his interesting stories and unique perspective.

Today, he's heading to a recording studio with his brothers Nick and Chris to film a humorous video where they'll playfully tease and diss each other.

Since you're good friends with Nick, he asked you to join him at the studio. He mentioned that he didn't want to be bored while his brothers were busy recording their diss tracks. You gladly agreed and soon enough, they arrived at your place to pick you up.

After a short drive, you pulled up to the recording studio. Sam, their friend, was already there, ready to start working on the diss tracks. Sam's expertise would be crucial in bringing the brothers' playful feud to life. Before diving into the recording, they began brainstorming, writing down random phrases and ideas to form the foundation of their diss tracks.

Once they felt prepared, Matt and Chris stepped up to the mic taking turns. The initial jabs were playful, each brother delivering witty insults with a smirk. However, as the session progressed, the tone began to shift. One of Matt's lines, a particularly pointed remark about Chris's questionable eating and constant soda drinking habits, seemed to pierce through Chris's facade. His expression flickered with annoyance since Matt always annoyed him with those things, but he quickly masked it with a forced smile.

Sam, being close friends with Chris, sensed the underlying tension. His keen eye noticed the subtle change in Chris's demeanor, the way his jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. To prevent any further escalation, Sam intervened, suggesting a short break. As the brothers retreated outside the studio, Sam could feel the residual heat of their unspoken rivalry. He hoped the brief respite would allow them to regain their composure and return to the playful spirit of the original plan.

Ever the curious one, you decided to stay behind to explore the studio equipment. Intrigued by the music industry, you wanted to learn more about the tools and techniques used to create music. As you were engrossed in examining a particular piece of gear, Chris entered the room. He found you gazing intently at the equipment with a look of fascination on your face.

"Hey, I thought you'd be with Nick getting snacks," Chris said, a small smile playing on his lips. He gestured towards the door, indicating that Nick had left to grab refreshments for everyone.

"Oh, I didn't know he'd left," you replied slightly taken aback. "I was just, you know, admiring Sam's studio. It's really impressive." Chris continued to smile with his gaze lingering on you a bit longer than necessary. You felt a blush creeping up your cheeks and nervously averted your eyes back to the equipment, trying to avoid his intense stare.

"Wanna take a closer look at the record room?" Chris asked, leading you towards the room where he and Matt had just been trading insults. He held the door open for you to enter and followed closely behind.

"Aren't all these lights a bit distracting?" you asked, a bit overwhelmed by the bright blue lights illuminating the room.

Chris chuckled, "A little," he admitted, shrugging his shoulders. "But you kind of get used to it after a while."

"Right... and what does this button do?" you questioned, reaching up to touch a button. Chris quickly stepped closer, his hand hovering over yours. "Don't touch that," he warned, a hint of amusement in his voice.

He gently took your hand in his. As you realized how close he was, your heart pounded in your chest. Your eyes met, and you couldn't help but notice the striking resemblance to Matt, yet with a unique allure that set him apart. His eyes, held a captivating intensity that drew you in. You swallowed hard, trying to shake off the strange feeling. You were supposed to be attracted to Matt, your friend with benefits. But as your gaze held, an inexplicable pull drew you closer. Your body unconsciously leaned in.

The soft glow of the studio lights cast an ethereal glow on his face, highlighting his sharp features and full lips. You could feel the heat rising to your cheeks as you became increasingly aware of the intimacy of the moment. A shiver ran down your spine as his fingers intertwined with yours, sending a jolt of electricity through your body.

He smirked, his eyes gleaming with mischief. His tongue darted out to wet his lips. Without warning, he closed the gap between you two, his lips capturing yours in a passionate kiss. You gasped softly and felt your body instantly melting into the embrace. His hands found their way to your waist, pulling you flush against him. In response, your hands instinctively tangled themselves in his soft, brown hair, deepening the kiss.

The kiss started soft and sweet, but soon turned hungry and demanding. His lips trailed down your jawline, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. His tongue teased your earlobe, sending shivers down your spine. His lips found your neck, his teeth gently nipping at your skin, making your breath hitch. The intensity of the moment was overwhelming, and you lost yourself in the sensation of his touch.

His hands roamed your body, tracing the curves of your form. He pulled you closer, his lips capturing yours in another searing kiss. When he finally pulled away, his eyes met yours, and he saw the same intense desire and lust mirrored back at him. He smirked, his eyes darkening with desire. "Let me show you how good I can make you feel, baby," he purred, his voice low and husky. Before you could respond, he recaptured your lips in a desperate kiss, his tongue dancing with yours. His hands found the hem of your dress, tugging at the fabric. As his fingers grazed your skin, a wave of anticipation washed over you.

The intensity of the moment was electrifying. You could feel the heat radiating from his body, and your own temperature was rising in response. His touch was both gentle and demanding. You arched your back, pressing your body closer to his, eager for more. His lips trailed down your neck, leaving a trail of kisses that sent shivers down your spine. You moaned softly, your body trembling with anticipation.

As his hands worked their way under your dress, you felt a surge of excitement. You knew what was coming next, and you couldn't wait.

"We need to make this quick, though. We still gotta finish that video," Chris murmured against your skin, his voice low and urgent. Despite the urgency, his touch was gentle as he slid your underwear off. You mirrored his actions, your fingers fumbling with the zipper of his pants.

The intensity of the moment was palpable. The soft hum of the equipment provided a rhythmic backdrop to your passionate encounter. As you felt the cool air against your skin, a shiver ran through your body. You met Chris's gaze, your eyes filled with a mix of lust and anticipation. He responded with a knowing smirk, his eyes dark with desire.

With a swift movement he positions himself between your thighs, the head of his cock brushing against your entrance. The weight of his body against yours sent a thrill through you, igniting a fire within. With a swift thrust of his hips, Chris sheathes himself fully within you, stretching and filling you in the most delicious way. You gasp and close your eyes, surrendering to the pleasure. The world outside faded away, leaving only the two of you and the raw, primal desire that consumed you.

"Look at me, wanna see those pretty eyes as I make you mine," Chris grunted, his voice low and rough. His movements were deliberate, each thrust a deliberate assault on your senses. The intensity in his eyes mirrored the passion in his actions. You met his gaze, your eyes filled with a mix of desire and surrender. As he continued to move, you couldn't help but lose yourself in the moment, your body arching involuntarily with each powerful thrust.

Suddenly, an idea sparked in his mind. What if he could capture this moment, the raw, unfiltered pleasure in your voice? He could use the recording to relive the intensity of this moment later that night. With a mischievous glint in his eye, he discreetly pulled out his phone and began recording. He watched as your face contorted with pleasure, your moans and whimpers filling the room. A smirk crept across his face as he captured the sound of your ecstasy.

The soft glow of the studio lights illuminated your intertwined bodies, casting an intimate glow on the scene. The rhythmic sounds of your bodies filled the air, a symphony of passion and desire. Chris's grip tightened, his movements growing more intense. Your nails dug into his back, leaving a trail of marks. Each thrust brought you closer to the edge, your body trembling with anticipation.

As you reached your peak, your body arched involuntarily, your cries filling the room. Chris, too, was on the brink, his breaths ragged and his body slick with sweat. In that moment, time seemed to stand still.

After the intense encounter, you and Chris took a moment to catch your breath. You were both flushed and breathless. Once you had composed yourselves, you joined Nick, Sam, and Matt outside the studio.

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Back inside the studio, Matt, fueled by the adrenaline of his earlier encounter with Chris and the lingering tension between them, stepped into the recording booth to finish the bars of his verse. He continued his diss track, each line more cutting than the last. He mocked Chris's fashion sense, and his lack of romantic success. The words were delivered with a venomous tone, each syllable dripping with contempt. Chris, visibly annoyed, listened to the recording, his jaw clenched tight. He could feel the heat rising to his cheeks as Matt's insults cut deep.

When it was Chris's turn to respond to Matt's barbs, he paused before entering the recording booth. He handed his phone to Sam, whispering a quick instruction that only the two of them could hear. A mischievous glint twinkled in his eyes as he shot Matt a narrowed stare. He then stepped into the booth, ready to deliver his counterattack.

"When I give you the signal, alright, man?" Chris whispered to Sam, who nodded in understanding. As Chris began to record, Sam prepared to execute their plan. The tension in the room was palpable. Matt, smug and confident, leaned back, anticipating Chris's feeble attempt at a rebuttal.

Chris cleared his throat and began to rap, his voice filled with a newfound intensity. He delivered a series of scathing insults, each one more cutting than the last. He exposed Matt's insecurities, his hidden fears, and his secret desires. His words were sharp and precise, each syllable a dagger aimed at Matt's ego. As Chris reached the climax of his diss, he paused dramatically, his eyes narrowing before he rapped his last few bars.

“I'm the king, the ace, the might,

A force of nature, shining bright.

Your lady knows, it's plain to see,

I'm the one, exclusively.

And if you doubt, just ask her, please,

She'll confirm with utmost ease.

And if she doesn't then allow me,

Hear her beg for my dick.”

Chris glanced at Sam giving him a silent signal. Sam, understanding the cue, pressed play on Chris's phone. A recording of your passionate encounter with Chris filled the room, your moans and Chris's suggestive whispers echoing through the studio. Matt's face turned a deep shade of crimson as he recognized your voice. His jaw clenched, and his eyes narrowed with anger and humiliation.

Your eyes widened in shock as the recording played, your face flushing with embarrassment. You couldn't believe what you were hearing, your voice echoing through the studio. Meanwhile, Chris smirked triumphantly, his eyes sparkling with mischief. He winked at you and then turned to Matt, shrugging nonchalantly and flashing a smug expression. The contrast between his casual demeanor and the explosive content of the recording was palpable.

The recording shattered the fragile peace of the studio. The once playful banter between the brothers turned into a bitter rivalry. Matt, consumed by anger and jealousy, vowed to get revenge. Chris, however, remained unfazed, his confidence bolstered by his victory. As for you, you were left to navigate the complex aftermath, caught between the two brothers.

Taglist: @mattsbitchh @riasturns

You have no idea how long I spent trying to make those rhymes.

[cluescorner]

Prime!Knock Out meets ES! Breakdown

idk I'm just imagining Prime!Knock Out post-Breakdown's death meeting the Breakdown from Earthspark. Maybe he gets dimension-hopped there or something and now he's gotta just live in this world that clashes pretty wildly with his everything. At least his 'assistant' is here and he's still alive! Sure Breakdown is...different, but Knock Out can work with this!

Knock Out: Breakdown, dear, I have an idea for a fun evening!

Breakdown: Is it racing again?

Knock Out: Even better!! Let's take one of the Terrans and dissect them!

Breakdown: ...huh?

Knock Out: Does your hearing have a problem in this universe? I said-

Breakdown: No I heard you! But we are NOT dissecting the kids.

Knock Out: Why not?

Breakdown: Because that would be a horrible thing to do!

Knock Out: Yes, I know! What's your point?

------------------------------------------

Knock Out: Breakdown, I love you-

Breakdown: We met last week but continue.

Knock Out: And I know you like Bumblebee for reasons beyond my comprehension-

Breakdown: Because he's a nice person.

Knock Out: But if that snooty little scout ever scratches my paint job EVER AGAIN I WILL REMOVE HIS VOICE BOX LIKE MEGATRON DID MY BUMBLEBEE!

Breakdown: Have you considered talking with him about the issue?

Knock Out: Why in Primus's name would I do that?!

Breakdown: Talking with people about things usually helps them understand your perspective.

Knock Out: ...Haha! Great joke, Breakdown! Wow I missed your sense of humor.

Breakdown: I'm not joking.

Knock Out: Ok, it was funny the first time, but you can stop now!

-------------------------------

And he also has to get used to the fact that this universe lets him be out and proud.

-----------------------------------

Dorothy: And who's this, Breakdown?

Breakdown: Oh, this is my conjunx-in-another-unvierse Knock Out.

Mo: What's a conjunx?

Breakdown: I think the closest thing I could say in Earth customs would be 'spouse'. So Knock Out is my husband-in-another-universe.

Knock Out: Wait...we can actually say that here?! The best I could get in my universe was 'partners' and even that was a stretch!

Breakdown: Yeah. Why, were people homophobic in your universe?

Dorothy: Well, in my home we accept people for whoever they are, including LGBTQ+ people! One of my kids is non-binary!

Knock Out: ...I'm gay. I am a man in a relationship with another man. I date mechs instead of femmes....OH MY GOD I CAN SAY THAT HERE??!!

-----------------------------------------

Knock Out: Bumblebee doesn't like me. He must be homophobic.

Breakdown: I think it has less to do with homophobia and more that you're constantly doing unethical medical experiments and plotting to kill him.

[tixdixl]

🌹🎈🥩

Maybe for Oisin and Kingsley? Or whoever's shouting "ASK ME!" in your brain :-3

Oooh!!! These are fun! Thank you!!

🌹 (rose) - What does your oc find attractive in other people? Are these traits found in their friends and/or romantic partners? Are they found in themselves?

Kingsley is aromantic~ lol. He is in the painful place of quoiromantic where he is not capable of experiencing romantic love. However, he finds out thanks to a couple of folks that he is willing to be on the receiving end so long as he is not expected to reciprocate those feelings.

Also I need you to know... the moment you asked, my dullahan emerged looking like this:

Oisín is such a hopeless romantic and has only ever fallen in love with one person. But they could give you a long list of what all they love about Lilia Vanrouge.

Personality is huge for them. As is the sense of humor. Being demisexual, those things and how they mesh with them are incredibly huge.

That said though, they love a partner who could absolutely snap their neck metaphorically. One who is willing to take the time to get to know how their existence works and would be as much of a threat to them as they are to their partner. They dont like the idea of a power differential- unless that differential is created willingly. And the realest thing? Is that they are happiest when both their partner and they themself are capable of being strong on their own and also in the presence of each other.

They love a partner who is willing to exist and be and live with them, with no regrets or shame. They are a hopeless romantic, and thus would love a partner who would be willing to things as they hit them. They love a partner who would willingly receive their affections as their heart and the moment carry them- and a partner who would reciprocate that energy. To dance in the rain; to hold their partner until they fell asleep in their arms; to go on little outtings sporatically and with or even without any plan. To live in the moment as though no one else in the world exists.

They love having a partner who they can reflect like the moon reflects the light of the sun.

🎈 (balloon) - What does your character do at parties? Are they a wallflower or a party animal? Do they go with friends or alone?

Kingsley canonically refuses to participate in the theatrical performance during GloMas. He refuses to dance. He refuses to enjoy the festivities because that motherfucker tried to almost kill everyone and got off scott free. In general though, he really isnt much of a party goer. The only real party he actively like... participates in is his coorination celebration way after he graduates and thats kind of because his found family won't let him be a wallflower.

Oisín is shy at like... parties where there are a lot of folks they don't know. In particular, they dont go to parties unless they are going with someone they know. But if its like... a party where everyone coming is a friend or family? They will be there and they WILL participate.

🥩 (steak) - Does your oc have any coping mechanisms? Healthy or unhealthy?

This is... such an interesting question. I honestly had to spend a lot of time pondering this...

If we are being technical, fighting and hunting start out being sort of coping mechanisms for Kingsley. But when he starts making friends (cough- Jack), he starts to develop other coping mechanisms. Running and training begin to slowly become forms of coping mechanisms for him. But he still... does target practice... a lot.

Oisín on the other hand tends to self isolate and write- write everything. Positive. Negative. All their feelings conveyed on a page rather than expressed outwardly.

If you made it this far- thank you for reading ^^;

Prompt

Tag list: @ramshacklerumble @the-trinket-witch @starry-night-rose @elenauaurs @rainesol

@cyanide-latte @winterweary @thehollowwriter @theleechyskrunkly @boopshoops

@lumdays @twstinginthewind @inmateofthemind

[total-drama-brainrot]

been thinking about assistant!noah using malicious compliance to get out of singing.

[what-is-it-to-be-pk-esque]

Ok I know I'm heavily biased here but like I kinda love that Astarion's romance is one of the few in this type of video game where you basically end up canonically unmarried and childfree in his "good" ending? Just travelling the world??

Like it's honestly the millennial dream lmfaoo cannot believe i chose what would undoubtedly be my favorite option, first try

[morgana-ren]

Do you have any mundane hc about Astarion? Like fave colour, what kind of books he likes, is he a morning person or does he like to lie in, favorite actual snack? Fave animal to snack on?

Obviously this after the trauma has started healing and he's learning about himself again!

Astarion is quieter and softer once he is free.

I feel like Astarion is actually a lot more gentle than he lets on. After years and years and years of faking and pretending and peacocking professionally, when he gets the opportunity to slow down, he might find he likes it. Being less snarky than he usually is sometimes. Being quiet when he could speak. Being more sincere and less defensive. Not all the time, mind you. That's still his personality. He is still absolutely Astarion. But maybe, sometimes, he just smiles softly, nods, and is content to sit in comfortable silence with the person he loves and the friends he has. He is content to just listen and watch and enjoy company.

He doesn't have to fill silence like he did before. He doesn't have to charm or seduce or manipulate. He doesn't have to be funny, or cutesy, or anything. He can just be him. And sometimes, maybe he just feels like existing and being quiet and taking in the environment. Maybe he just feels like listening. He wasn't allowed to before. He was always performing and bowing and playing a role. But now he can, and I feel like he'll sometimes exercise that. He still loves being the life of the party, but sometimes, on quiet nights, he enjoys just being.

Astarion picks up a creative pursuit for fun rather than necessity now that he can.

He has a lot of time to fill now. He can buy new clothes rather than just endlessly mending. But maybe he likes his embroidery. Maybe he continues on because he's good at it. Maybe he likes how impressed Tav gets at the deftness of his fingers and the heights of his skill. Now that he doesn't have to go out every night, he's got to find some new way to fill the time, so maybe he adds beautiful embroidery to their clothes for a flashy flourish and sews little love letters into the inside of Tav's clothing in gaudy golden threat and giggles like a naughty child when they finally see it days and days later.

He says he doesn't like reading, but he clearly likes poetry. Maybe he gives reading another shot because he can now. Maybe he feels like he has a lot to catch up on. Maybe he likes it and maybe he doesn't. Maybe he starts collecting poetry books and hoarding them like a dragon. Maybe he decides to try his hand at poetry as an outlet and is surprisingly talented at it-- or maybe he is stunningly bad but Tav still adores everything he writes because it's a piece of his heart.

He still gets up in the early mornings

He misses the sun. He misses it desperately. In the Underdark, there is no sun, and the time of day really doesn't matter, but out of sheer habit, he still gets up early and ready to go. A leftover from their days adventuring. He gets up with the sun for a very long time, even though he cannot see it.

It causes problems sometimes because his schedule is totally opposite to the other spawn. He is getting up when they are going to sleep initially. But after a while, the spawn that become very fond of him end up switching out and ending up awake when he is. He likes to pretend he can still walk the surface world any time he likes.

He still prefers human blood-- but morally... within reason

He fed on rats and bugs for so long that he will not go back. The blood is fetid and he has high standards now that he will absolutely make sure are met. He's not such a sweetheart that he's about to starve himself out to spare someone a vampiric encounter.

However, he will source it ethically when he can to spare himself the nagging. Feeding on slavers in the Underdark. Wayward drow causing a ruckus. Criminals operating underground. He tries a little bit to not kill innocents, mostly because he doesn't want Wyll coming after him and he doesn't want to upset his friends (he doesn't really care, but he knows they do.)

If he has Tav, he will feed on them and makes a point to learn a spell or buy an item that allows him to heal the bloodless bit. It's the least he can do. He will then joke that it means that he can feed twice tonight, right? Right?

They have to find a way to source an enormous amount of blood as ethically as they can (all the spawns roaming the Underdark now and they cannot have people catching wind and raiding in a fit) but truthfully, he still prefers it fresh. He still enjoys the hunt. It's still a part of him. He will 'spare' his victims when he can, but sometimes they have to die. You know how it is.

He reads smut books and develops kinks inadvertently

Just ridiculous books. Ones so raunchy and tacky it's almost funny. It starts as a joke initially because he gets his hands on one from a shipment they stole from a smuggling operation and reads it just to nitpick and make fun of it. He makes a very loud show of laughing and rolling his eyes and reading it out loud in a ridiculous voice.

But eventually, he finds it's a good way to reengage with sexuality in a safe, totally controlled way. He can read ridiculous smut books about vampires or suave, debonair playboys and laugh at them but also relate to them in the silliest way. Sometimes it's just bad writing and just for pure entertainment value, but other times, he finds it's not a bad way to examine his own feelings and view things in a way that is totally under his control with only his mind and body involved. It allows him to unpack things quietly and privately.

It's basically a completely safe way to engage with everything again after it's all said and done. He is trying to do his healing and this is just a playful, light way to do it. His life experiences will come to shape who he is, and he is finally discovering his own sexuality and needs. Maybe he develops some kinks and desires he didn't know he ever had through a book he's reading and sits there for a moment, face flushed with wine, eyes slightly wide and lips pursed. You know, the face you make when you figure things out. "Ah. Well. If I didn't know better, I'd say I enjoyed that."

He sings quietly

He only really does it when he is alone, and it's never really belting it out operatic singing, but more quiet and gentle singing. If you're lucky enough to hear him, you'd have to assume he's actually pretty good and seems to have good vocal control and an excellent voice, but it's hard to tell because he'll stop once you enter the room. He only does it when he is alone alone.

It's almost like he doesn't even realize he's doing it. They are songs from ages ago that you wouldn't even recognize if you were born in this era. Small, lost lullabies. Songs in Elvish he seems to just recall straight from memory though he couldn't tell you how. It's always low and soft and something so gentle it's hard to believe he's capable of it. He rarely speaks Elvish even when with other elves, but it's utterly flawless when he sings. Whether or not it is because he just remembers the song explicitly or because he actually remembers Elvish quite well is anyone's guess.

He likes painting

He wants to express himself. Sometimes with that kind of trauma, it's very hard to express yourself. You have to find ways to show the way you see the world around you. Things that go beyond words.

He picks it up out of sheer boredom. He finds he likes it. It's not an all consuming passion quite yet, but he likes artistic pursuits and he thinks this one is quite nice.

He paints the sun peaking over the streets of Baldur's Gate. The ocean at dawn in all its magnificent glory. The forests he remembers walking through during their adventures. A smoldering campfire beneath an orange sky. The wizard performers in the courtyard. Lots of colors sometimes, like he is reliving his life in the sun the only way he can. Occasionally draws a cheeky little building on fire like the firework shop they set ablaze. Sometimes they're funny, like Karlach dressed in a strongman jumpsuit while flexing and holding Wyll and Gale on her muscles. His sense of humor translates into his paintings.

Red and black when he is doing something deeper for himself. Memories he doesn't like to talk about. Experimenting as a sort of therapy. Sometimes they're more metaphorical and only make sense to him. Sometimes it's just chaotic, violent splashes and it ends up everywhere. Sometimes you can tell he got frustrated or didn't like what he felt because it will be half finished and then set away in frustration with the lines running so deep that it almost tore the canvas.

He isn't doing it for prestige but he will joke about the 'famous vampire painter' and how his paintings go for thousands of gold at auctions and line all the finest hallways in the finest houses. He'll laugh that he has an eternity to get good at painting, and he could become the best. You know, if he wanted to, of course. If he didn't get famous, it's because 'he didn't want to' and all of that.

When someone really means something, he will paint for them because expressing his love is still sort of difficult. Occasionally the old group will get a package that is more or less a rude and absurd painting he decided would be absolutely hilarious to send. That or poetry because that's much more intimate, but that is pretty much reserved for his lover-- and mostly only when he's drunk and cheeky.

[moeblob]

Pen doodles from yesterday and then digital for today

Katale and Rudyard but as little crime babies. Since he's known her for a while and just thought she looked like a little street thug despite being higher ranking than him in the crime organization at first, the cat-ear hairstyle was just A Thing for her. And it spawned the nickname he would use in private of "Kitty" and even when she grows her hair out and he grays even more he still calls her Kitty in private. They're literally just bffs who do crime and what more can you want of them??

[theramblingsofadork]

Oh boy—

Tomorrow I think I’ll unleash a small snippet of the guilty pleasure that is my AU of Starline having actually had friends (and maybe something more) once.

I am going to die of cringe, but I made this blog specifically so I could talk about it, and I want my stupid platypus man to just be happy for a single moment gosh dangit!! So whatever. XD

[medicinemane]

Actually here's a true example of where it's like bro you have the moral backbone of wet putty

He got banned in destiny 2 and he thought it was unjust, and I forget the details, but I was inclined to agree

He swore a blood feud with them, he'd never play again... then like a week later he rebought every last bit of content for it, and like was playing it last night complaining that he didn't think this latest season had much content... but my man... you're still playing it and giving them money... despite the fact you're not enjoying it and also the fact you said you'd never buy it again

I don't think you really get to say "well if a game's good people'll play it no matter what", cause you're just the Spider's Georg of playing every game even if it sucks ass

[theswedishpajas]

Do you have any songs that you like and recommend? Related to Beetlejuice or not! 🪲 🧃 🎶

Ooooo!!!!!!!!!!

I’m gonna preface this by saying that I like to listen to a lot of random music with varying degrees of adult content and if you’re a minor or not comfortable with that stuff, please don’t take my recommendations at face value and keep yourself safe and happy. A lot of the music I listen to gets really vulgar and dark and often touch on very existential or crude topics as those are the things my brain latches onto due to my own mental health.

I have so much music I really enjoy but it’s so hard to pin it down cus I either love every song from one band/artist almost equally (and extremely much) or I love random specific songs but to a lesser degree��!

I’m a really big fan of Will Wood in general, prolly my alltime favorite artist!! I don’t even really know an album I would recommend tho as all of them are so very different!!!

It’s kinda on a spectrum of depression and unhinged to somewhat okay and pretty calm, with his first album being on the unhinged&depression side and then in order until his latest album they slowly become more calm and healthier but still sorta struggling? That’s how I think I’d describe his music!!

The topics in the songs are very existencial a lot and get really dark so that’s something to look out for if that’s not gonna work out for you tho!!!!!

For a beginner listener I guess I might recommend the Self-Ish album, mainly because that’s the first album by him that I listened to, but also cus it’s really energetic and fun in it’s existencialism, it’s just kinda crazy more than anything else-!

Other than that…

*flips through youtube real quick to see what I like cus my memory doesn’t work right*

OH OF COURSE

Now, my taste in music is kinda fucked up-

But I’ll give a (much smaller than expected) list of songs (ESPECIALLY WITH THE MUSIC VIDEO) that I really enjoy for that exact reason:

Bring Me All Of Your Teeth by Hot Dad

O b l i v i o n by Ctrl Ult Delete

I am realizing I don’t wanna call songs I like fucked up without them being very specific cus idk what’s normal or not and I don’t want anybody to think a song they like is weird in a bad way or anything but I feel like these two are okay to call kinda fucked up!!! (Affectionate)

UHHHHHH

Man, I really don’t have any good grasp on anything I enjoy at all unless it’s a special interest???

I’d be happy to share the playlists I listen to the most if anybody wants to listen to them cus idk what else I’d actively recommend???

[supercreig]

'It's a Jersey Thing' will forever be one of my favorite episodes of SP fdd8gudtbcgasdct

[ozzgin]

Yandere! House Monster x Reader (II)

It’s officially a smutty sitcom: you, the oblivious gamer boyfriend, and the tentacle monster lurking in dark corners.

[First part]

Content: gender neutral reader, monster smut

Do monsters have a sense of humor? This creature seems to be greatly amused by the little "game" you've devised behind your boyfriend's back. Although you don't have much input in the affair, and most of the time you're merely a witness to the events unfolding before you (or in you).

First, there's the mild, inoffensive annoyances. "Babe, did you see my controller? I swear I left it on the couch". Some pranks are harder to swallow than others, such as the occasional lack of Internet. You know exactly when it happens, because you can hear your boyfriend's enraged shouts and rattles. It's always during important matches. No one knows why it happens. The repairmen who cross your threshold can only scratch their heads in confusion, confessing that nothing is out of the ordinary.

Then, the unfortunate coincidences. "How about we have some fun after my game?", the boyfriend will suggest with an anticipative grin. Alas, moments after he stands up, he is overwhelmed by a nauseous feeling. His stomach twirls and throbs, and he curses under his breath. "Some other time, perhaps", he concludes begrudgingly. You see, the creature is very possessive. The only thing that has saved your beloved partner from being torn to shreds already is his crassly comical obliviousness.

The mischief aimed towards the boyfriend is, however, a secondary source of entertainment. Nothing could ever come close to spending time with you. Yet another irony to this ridiculous situation: you haven't been caught yet, despite the rabid clinginess of the tentacled monster.

It just loves surprising you. For example, when you exhale dramatically at the end of the day, relaxing in the bathtub and enjoying your peace. Just as you hear an impatient knock on the door, you notice a familiar dark tendril slithering its way out of the water. You won't be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. "Did you steam yourself over there? You look like a lobster", the boyfriend will remark with a raised eyebrow upon seeing your panting, feverish face. "Y-yeah, I guess so." You limp outside, struggling to hold the towel around your body. Or more specifically, around the many marks left on your skin by hundreds of suckers.

In fact, its shamelessness reminds you of a poorly written erotic scenario, the likes you'd see on some adult website with a clickbait title. How would you name this current setup? You grip the edge of the table, pursing your lips to prevent any moans escaping your mouth. Your boyfriend is, once again, scrolling on his phone, indifferent to your presence. The water boiling on the stove drowns the wet, slippery sounds of the appendages pumping in and out of you underneath the table. “You might want to give it a stir in a moment, or it’ll overflow”, the boyfriend remarks without lifting his gaze. You mumble in agreement, slapping a hand over your mouth. You’re at your limit.

One may be tempted to ask, is this entity bound to its house? You pondered the same question until your recent IKEA visit. You and your boyfriend had been looking for a new wardrobe. "What do you think of this one?", you asked, closing the door and turning around. Your eyes scanned the empty model-bedroom. The jackass had wandered ahead without you. You sighed and were about to go find him, when a cold grip suddenly tightened around your wrist. You winced and snapped your head back. Thick tendrils had made their way out of the closet, tugging you to join them inside. So it can follow you around, you thought, climbing into the cramped space. Between the silent whines and breathy begging, an idea emerges from your dazed mind. New hypothetical video title: mercilessly molested in the IKEA store by monster partner.

[sematarygirls]

        BOYFRIEND!RAFE x ANXIOUS!READER

WARNINGS .ᐟ protected p in v, oral (f! receiving), established relationship, loss of virginity, reader and rafe being dorks, slow sex, these bitches do not shut up, reader is very insecure about her body and of course, has anxiety

NOTES .ᐟ this is representation for all my anxious and insecure girlies who giggle and blurt out random stuff when they're nervous (aka me)

You and Rafe were both on his bed making out, him laying underneath you as you straddled his waist—his idea, of course, citing that it would be more comfortable for both of you that way. "You better just have something in your pocket," you jokingly mumbled against his lips, feeling something distinctly hard and suspiciously close to his dick pressing against you.

You had a tendency to make a lot of dumb jokes and laugh when you were nervous, blurting out whatever came to mind before you could decide against it, which was ironic since overthinking was a second nature to you. You were shy and got nervous a lot, especially around Rafe. He was your first boyfriend and the hottest guy you'd ever laid your eyes on, neither of which helping your nerves.

Rafe's hands slipped under your shirt to touch your bare skin, holding you firmly on his lap. "Wouldn't you like to know," his smirk was teasing as he pulled back from the kiss to peer up at you.

"Uh, yeah, that's kind of the whole point of asking," you also pulled back, sitting up as you smiled down at him. You liked it when Rafe went along with your stupid jokes, bantering with you to put you at ease. He never made you feel weird or awkward for using humor to cope with your anxiety.

"Well, if you must know, I'm packing heat," Rafe quipped with a mischievous grin, his grip on your hips tightening.

You gasped exageratedly, feigning shock. "You have a gun?" You knew very well what he meant, but when did that ever stop you from saying something stupid?

He snorted, his blue eyes shining with amusement. "Yeah, I have a gun in my pants because that makes so much sense," he replied sarcastically, finding your nervous humor endearing.

"Okay, Mr. Sassypants," you rolled your eyes playfully, your palms resting on his chest as a smile pulled at your lips.

"Mr. Sassypants?" Rafe repeated, raising an eyebrow. "You know, that's not a very nice thing to call your loving, patient, and amazingly sexy boyfriend."

"Well, I can't help that my loving, patient, and amazingly sexy boyfriend is such a diva," you grinned, feeling his chest rise and fall, his heart beating steadily under your fingertips.

"Diva?" He gasped in mock offense, his hands sliding up your sides. "I'll show you a diva." In one swift motion, he flipped your positions, pinning you beneath him.

You laughed, looking up at him with a smile despite the anxiety gnawing at you. He had a way of putting your mind at ease with just one look, and the soothing circles he was rubbing on your skin were definitely helping. He stared back at you, his gaze softening. He loved your smile and the way your eyes sparkled when you laughed. Truthfully, he loved everything about you, even your innate ability to make everything a tad bit awkward.

His eyes searched yours intently, searching for any signs that you wanted him to stop. Noticing his serious turn of demeanor and his intense gaze, you felt your cheeks heat up. "Oh, cmon, don't get all serious on me now," you rolled your eyes, trying to lighten the mood.

"Well, I take my role as your boyfriend very seriously," he grinned, leaning down to kiss your neck. "And, it wouldn't be very boyfriendly of me to let you go on without knowing the wonders of sex."

"Oh, right, of course, it would be for my benefit," you giggled, your heart racing at the idea of being intimate with him. You weren't exactly against the idea, but you were still a virgin, and the idea of being with someone like that was undoubtedly nerve-racking.

You could feel Rafe smile against your skin, his hands sliding farther up your sides. "Uh huh, always thinking of what's best for my girl."

"Wow, who knew you were so selfless?" You giggled, biting your lip as he nipped as your skin. Your fingers slotted into his hair as he continued to kiss and suck at your neck, his hot breath fanning against your heated skin.

"I'm a saint, what can I say?" He mumbled, his tone teasing. He was being careful, trying to reassure you without actually saying anything because he knew you'd prefer to keep things as lighthearted as possible to make you forget about how serious the moment actually was. He could tell you were nervous, and he was determined to make you as comfortable as possible.

"Uh huh, a saint," you smiled as he slowly, tentatively pushed your shirt up your body. He was giving you time to tell him to stop, maybe even slap him if you wanted to, but you didn't. As much as you felt like you were going to die on the spot at the idea of him seeing you naked, you trusted him, and you wanted this.

"I am but a humble servant of my sexy girlfriend," he pulled back from your neck to search your eyes again, pausing for a moment before your shirt revealed your bra. You gave him a small nod, and he smiled, tugging the shirt over your head as you leaned up a little and lifted your arms to help him. He threw the shirt aside, eyes roaming your skin, as if memorizing every detail. "God, you're beautiful," he breathed out.

"Shut up," you said bashfully, your heart beating faster under his intense gaze. There was a voice in the back of your head telling you that you weren't pretty enough for him, that he would hate how you looked, and that was why you preferred to fill the silence with easy jokes and stupid quips. It made it easier to silence that nagging part of you that thought you weren't good enough for him.

"No, I mean it," he insisted, his fingers slowly tracing the lace edging of your bra. "You're like, way too pretty to be real. I mean, look at you." There was a sincerity to his words that he couldn't fake, an edge of awe and pure unbridled devotion that made your head spin.

The way he looked at you like you were the only thing that mattered, the way he touched you like he worshipped every inch of you—it was all overwhelming in the best possible way. It had you scrambling in your mind to say something, anything, even if that something was a dumb dick joke.

"I bet you're thinking about saying something stupid, aren't you?" he asked, a knowing smirk on his face as he leaned down to pepper kisses over your collarbones and down the swell of your cleavage.

"I never say anything stupid," you breathed out, as he kissed the skin that wasn't hidden behind your bra. It made your heart flutter that he knew you so well, but it also made you realize how awfully predictable you were.

"Uh huh and I'm the Queen of England," he retorted sarcastically, reaching up to slide one of your bra straps down your shoulder, kissing the bare sliver of skin that was revealed.

"Oh my God, you are?" You gasped, his remark loading you with the perfect ammunition to say something stupid. "Pleasure to make your acquaintance, your highness."

"Mmm, flattery will get you everywhere," he murmured, his breath hot against your skin as he continued to kiss and touch you, slipping your other strap off. He slowly unhooked your bra, his eyes meeting yours as he paused, asking for silent permission. You bit the inside of your cheek nervously before nodding.

He pulled your bra off almost instantly, his gaze sweeping over your bare chest. You felt so vulnerable beneath his gaze, resisting the urge to cover yourself. "Okay, your turn, pretty boy," you swiftly said, trying to ease your nerves and figuring you might be a little more comfortable if you weren't the only half-naked one.

"Yes, ma'am," He smirked, leaning back to pull his own shirt off, revealing his muscular chest. You couldn't help but stare, eyes roaming over his abs and the way his muscles flexed as he tossed his shirt aside. He settled back over you, his hands sliding up your sides. "Better?"

"You are annoyingly hot," you huffed, finding it completely unfair that someone as perfect as him could even exist, let alone be on top of you right now.

"Aw, you're just saying that because you want in my pants," he teased, his hands sliding up your sides to cup your breasts, thumbs brushing over your nipples. "But I can't blame you, I am pretty irresistible." He leaned down, swallowing the small gasp you let out at his touch as he captured your mouth in a deep, heated kiss.

"That's slander," you mumbled into his mouth, wrapping your arms around his neck and curling your fingers into his hair as you pulled him closer.

"Mmm, then sue me," he murmured against your lips before trailing kisses along your jaw and down your neck, slowly making his way to your chest.

Your eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of his soft lips on your skin. He was ridiculously skilled with his mouth, knowing exactly how and where to kiss you to drive you crazy. "Yknow what, maybe I will," you retorted breathlessly, your chest rising and falling a little faster.

"I think we can come to some sort of settlement out of court," He paused, his hot breath washing over your skin before he slowly, deliberately wrapped his lips around one of your peaks, swirling his tongue around it. "What do you think?"

Your lips parted at the feeling, intaking a sharp breath of air. "Uh, yeah, yknow that could work maybe," you grinned, your fingers gently tugging at his hair as he ravished your tits with attention.

"Mmm, I thought it might," he hummed with a cocky grin, switching to give equal attention to your other breast, your back arching ever so slightly, urging him closer. He smirked against your skin, making his way lower and leaving a trail of wet kisses in his wake. His hands slid down your sides to your hips, fingers curling around the waistband of your pants.

"Hey, wait, I don't want to be naked first," you protested, only half joking. You would rather die than be fully naked in front of him while he sits there with his clothes on.

"Oh, trust me, I have no intention of leaving my pants on any longer than necessary," He assured you with a mischievous grin, slowly unbuttoning your jeans, his knuckles brushing against your skin.

"Yeah, 'cause you're a freak," you grinned, moving on to the making fun of your boyfriend portion of the program in an attempt to soothe the pit of nausea in your stomach. You were kind of scared, not that you wanted to be lame and admit that.

"Hey, I resent that," He protested, but his tone conveyed the opposite message as he tugged your jeans and underwear down your legs in one smooth, expert motion, his gaze never leaving yours. "I'm just enthusiastic, that's all."

"Enthusiastically a whore," you snorted, letting your head fall back, staring at the ceiling. You'd really rather not see yourself naked right now, not with the amount of anxiety already coursing through your veins. You did not need a reminder of what Rafe was seeing.

"Whore?" He teased, his fingers dancing along your inner thighs. "I think you mean an amazing boyfriend who loves you and wants to make you feel good."

You hummed thoughtfully. "Uh, no, I'm pretty sure I mean whore," you grinned, reluctantly looking down at him despite yourself.

"Well, this whore is about to rock your world," He smirked, slowly trailing kisses up your inner thigh, gripping your hips. "Just relax and let me do all the work." His voice was low and seductive, his intentions clear.

"You're such an idiot," you laughed at his cheesy choice of words, a little nervous that the witty banter would have to be put on hold. He can't exactly respond to your sarcastic remarks with his mouth occupied.

He hummed, his breath hot against your core. Your breathing picked up, and you were unsure whether it was anticipation or if you were on the verge of a panic attack.

He slowly dragged his tongue along your slit, groaning at your taste on his tongue and the subsequent gasp that fell from your lips, making his painfully hard cock twitch in his jeans. His hands gripped your thighs, spreading them further apart and opening you up to him. He had dreamed of this moment, imagined this exact scenario about a half a dozen times as he got himself off, and now that it was actually happening, he was going to relish every moment.

He began to eat you out like a man starved, his tongue delving deep inside your tight heat, familiarizing himself with every inch of you. His nose nudged at your clit, sending a jolt of pleasure through you that pulled a low whine from your throat. Your fingers threaded into his hair, moaning at the unfamiliar pleasure.

His fingers replaced his tongue, his mouth moving up to the sensitive bundle of nerves and sucking it into his mouth, determined to send you over the edge. He pushed his fingers deep inside and curled them, finding that spot that made your back arch and your hips buck against his mouth.

"Rafe," his name left your lips a breathy whimper as your head fell back against his pillows. Rafe was no stranger to having women under him, writhing and moaning his name, but something about it being you made him crazy. It took all his self-control not to blow his load in his pants right there and then.

He redoubled his efforts, eager to make you cum, rubbing that sweet spot inside you with ruthless precision and sucking on your clit, his tongue swirling around your sensitive nub. Another moan fell from your lips, your grip on his hair bordering on painful as you felt your orgasm wash over you, your legs practically shaking at the intense pleasure.

He groaned as he felt you spasm around his fingers, your chest rising and falling rapidly as you tried to catch your breath. He slowly pulled away, grinning as he took in your dazed expression. He carefully slipped his fingers from your quivering hole, bringing them to his mouth. He couldn't help the moan that rumbled low in his throat as he tasted you on his tongue. God, you were perfect.

His eyes flicked up to yours as his tongue darted out to lick his lips clean. "Good, huh?" He asked, his tone smug. He knew it had been good, but he wanted to hear you say it.

"I'm gonna slap that stupid look off your face," you playfully rolled your eyes, your skin practically burning up with embarrassment.

"I think that would take our case from a civil lawsuit to a criminal assault charge," he grinned, calling back to your previous joke about taking him to court. He positioned himself over you again to press his lips against yours, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.

"It's my first offense and a misdemeanor," you mumbled into the kiss, cupping his face. "Worst I'll get is a fine, so... totally worth it."

"Okay, smartass," he pulled away, brushing a strand of hair away from your face, gazing down at you lovingly.

"Just saying," you smiled softly up at him, his hair falling into his face and his blue eyes sparkling. He really loved you, and it was evident just from the way he looked at you. He'd never felt anything like it before. He loved you so much it terrified him.

But, of course, you had to ruin the moment of peace because shutting up was not something you were wired to do, especially not in the face of such charged silence. "Your little friend is poking me again," you blurted out the words before you could stop yourself. Little friend? You really couldn't have come up with anything else?

Rafe couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips as he rocked his hips against you, making you gasp softly. "He's just happy to see you." His eyes crinkled at the corners as he grinned down at you, his fingers absently tracing along your side.

"Okay, well, can you tell him I don't really know him like that, so maybe he should calm down a little bit," you couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, but you loved it, and you loved him. He understood you in a way you never thought you'd be understood by anyone.

"He says he's not planning on staying a stranger for much longer," he smirked, his hips rolling against yours.

"This is actually so stupid," you giggled, your hand covering your mouth as you laughed beneath him.

"Oh, now it's stupid?" He rolled his eyes, a genuine smile tugging at his lips. "You're the one who started it."

"Shut up," you smiled, leaning up to kiss him. "Okay, okay, you can... start now, I guess," you said awkwardly. There was only so long that you could stall with stupid dick jokes. Besides, you felt a little bad that he had been so patient and undoubtedly, extremely hard.

"About time," he murmured with faux annoyance, his voice low as he fiddled with his belt buckle and pulled it through the loops, tossing it aside before popping the button on his jeans and slowly unzipping them.

You sucked in a breath, trying to calm your nerves as the sound of him pulling his jeans off seemed to echo through the room. You wanted this. You knew you did, but you couldn't help the pit of fear in your stomach.

He paused, feeling your body tense beneath him as you took a deep breath, a sign he knew all too well. "Hey, look at me," he coaxed softly, cupping your face and stroking your cheek with his thumb. "We don't have to do anything you don't want to do. We can wait if you're not ready. Just tell me to stop, and I will, no questions asked, no hard feelings. We can just forget all about it," he reassured you.

Your heart fluttered as you heard your boyfriend's words, meeting his gaze and seeing the sincerity behind his eyes. "No, I- I want to. I'm just... scared, yknow," you bit your lip nervously, mentally kicking yourself. You always seemed to be scared. There probably wasn't a single thing in the world that you weren't scared of.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay," he soothed, pressing gentle kisses to your face, your neck, your collarbone—anywhere he could reach. "There's nothing wrong with being scared. It's your first time. If you weren't scared, that would be a little concerning."

You laughed softly at his words. "You just make sure you wrap it up. I don't know where you've been," you joked. "Safe sex is great sex as the Lil Wayne once wisely said."

He chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. "Lil Wayne, huh? I didn't know he moonlighted as a sex ed teacher." He reached into his bedside table, pulling out a foil packet and waving it in front of your face. "But don't worry, I'm always prepared."

"Jesus, that's a lot of condoms," you said, peering into his drawer and seeing way more condoms than you realistically thought one person would need. "You are a whore of massive proportions. Like, literally a menace to the female population."

"Oh, hush," he grinned, tearing open the packet and rolling the latex down over his length. "I bought them in bulk. You know, for... emergencies," He waggled his eyebrows suggestively, leaning back down to press kisses to your skin once more.

"Eugh," you giggled, your face scrunching up in disgust. "I genuinely do not want to know what a sex emergency is."

"Hey, a guy's gotta be prepared, okay?" He murmured against your neck, his breath warm. "Now, are you going to keep talking, or are you going to let me kiss you and calm you the hell down?"

"Yo, I am literally so calm," you rolled your eyes, lying through your teeth in the name of comedy and also not sounding like the total little loser virgin you were. "So calm and so chill. Literally have never been calmer or chiller in my life."

"Uh-huh," he hummed, clearly unconvinced as he pressed a soft kiss to your jaw, his fingers slowly trailing down your side, his touch gentle. "Because nothing says 'calm and chill' like sex jokes and rambling like you're on speed."

"Well, I can't help that I'm the funniest person alive," you argued, the realization dawning on you that you were naked, and he was naked, which meant there was only so many more sex jokes you could make before the sex actually commenced.

"You're not even in the top five funniest people I know," he teased, his fingers reaching your hip as he slowly pulled you closer, the heat of his body pressing against yours.

"Oh, you got jokes, huh?" You grinned, nervously giggling when you felt his tip nudge at your entrance. "You better take that back if you wanna get laid tonight."

"I think I'll stick with my original statement," he said, his voice low and husky as he pressed forward, the head of his dick pushing into you slowly as he rubbed soothing circles on your hip. "You're just not funny enough to make the cut, sweetheart."

You sucked in a sharp breath through your teeth, wincing at the painful sensation. You grabbed his bicep for support, digging your nails into his arm. "Liar," you joked weakly, your chest heaving as you breathed through the intrusion.

"Shh, just breathe," he whispered against your neck, his voice low and soothing as he paused, letting you adjust to the foreign feeling. "You're doing so good, baby. You're taking it like a champ."

"Okay, don't call me champ while you're inside me," you grimaced, trying to keep the conversation lighthearted as you slowly adjusted to having him inside you.

"You okay, baby?" He asked softly, pushing the slightest bit further into you as he examined your reaction closely.

"Oh, yeah, just peachy," you said sarcastically. The pain was gradually starting to fade, making the whole thing more enjoyable by the second. Though, the pressure between your thighs was intense.

"Mhm, you're a real ray of sunshine," he chuckled softly, pushing the rest of the way into you, his body shuddering as he bottomed out. He was as deep as he could go, his hips flush against yours.

You gasped as he pressed all the way into you, your grip on his bicep tightening. "You're gonna look like you got mauled by a lion after this," you panted out, apologetic for the involuntary response.

"I'd wear that badge of honor proudly," he said, his voice thick with amusement as he slowly began to move, his hips rolling against yours in a gentle, soothing rhythm. "Now, shut up and let me make love to you."

"Don't say 'make love' either. That's so gross," you giggled softly, a breathy moan falling from your lips as he set a slow, pleasurable pace.

"Then what would you prefer I call it?" He murmured, his lips brushing against your ear as he continued his steady movements, the friction building between your bodies. "'Coitus'? 'Intercourse'? 'Fucking'?" He punctuated each word with a sharp thrust of his hips.

You moaned, your head falling back against the pillows and brows pinching in pleasure. Okay, you were definitely starting to see what all the fuss was about. "Let's just not refer to what's happening right now as anything at all."

"Mhm, I can work with that," he hummed, his pace picking up slightly as he felt you start to relax more, your body welcoming his thrusts. "Just focus on how good it feels, baby. Let me take care of you."

He leaned down, pressing his lips to yours and kissing you deeply as he continued to fuck you with a pace that demonstrated his love and devotion to you. He never thought he would be one for slow, romantic sex, but he didn't think he was into a lot of things before he met you. You had a way of making him discover things about himself he was completely clueless to.

As he kissed you, he slowly shifted his hips, changing the angle of his thrusts to hit that particularly sensitive spot inside you. He felt you tense up, a sharp gasp escaping your lips into the kiss, and he smiled against your mouth. "You like that, huh?"

"You're such an ass," you grinned, your fingers curling into his hair, back arching into him as his tip continued to hit that spongy spot inside you, the pressure low in your abdomen building.

"Maybe so, but you love it," he smirked against your mouth, his hands gripping your hips as he increased his pace, his hips snapping forward in a steady rhythm. "And you're gonna come for me again, baby. Aren't you?"

Your mouth fell open in pleasure, your breath hot against his lips. "uh huh," you nodded, your eyes fluttering shut. He was a cocky motherfucker, but he was hot and he put up with your shit, so it was only fair you put up with his in return.

"That's my girl," he purred, one hand sliding down to rub tight circles on your clit as he continued his relentless pace. "Come on, baby. Let me feel you. I want to watch you fall apart for me."

You gasped sharply at the added stimulation, his name leaving your lips in a whine as you tensed around him, sent over the edge for the second time.

He groaned as he felt your walls clench around him, the sensation of you practically choking his dick sending him into his own release. "Fuck, you feel so good," he panted, his hips stuttering as he spilled himself into the condom with a low moan of your name.

Your walls pulsed around him as you slowly came down from your high, relaxing into the mattress. Your chest heaved as you caught your breath, your whole body on fire and coated in a thin sheen of sweat.

He collapsed on top of you with a satisfied hum, peppering gentle kisses along your neck and collarbone as he softened inside you. "I love you, you know that?"

"Good 'cause otherwise this would be pretty awkward," you laughed breathlessly, gently raking your nails over his scalp soothingly. "But, seriously, I love you too," you added quietly after a beat of silence.

tags .ᐟ   @starkeysprincess / @cometmultiverse / @iheartjjmaybnk / @all4l0vee / @kissesfrmriri / @xoxohoneymoongirl / @bradshawed /

[strawberrytalia]

half of the dc fandom is genuinely hilarious, and half of the fandom has the worst sense of humor i swear

[lovebugism]

Kissing eddie just as you’re both about to get out of the car and now he’s got a problem cause he’s hard, and all your friends are waiting for you and you’re both a little late and Eddie we really gotta hurry up! what’s the issue? and the poor boy is bright red to his neck over how gone he is on you

ty for requesting :D ps: i'm gnawing at the bars of my enclosure over this prompt –– when eddie's about to leave for a show, you make sure he knows exactly what he's missing out on (established relationship, st4 canon divergence, allusions to smut 18+ | 1k)

“How do I look?” Eddie wonders aloud as you trail down the creaking porch steps behind him. He plants his feet on the gravel driveway and spins on the heel of his sneaker to face you –– already bare-faced and clad in your pretty PJs for the night, a striking contrast to the lead guitarist of Corroded Coffin standing before you.

You pause on the second-to-last step and reach for his face. Eddie leans instinctively into your warm touch as you swipe your thumbs under his eyes, gently smudging his dark liner a bit more. 

“Like a rockstar,” you answer with a proud smile.

Eddie scrunches his nose sheepishly in response, ‘cause he has nowhere to hide with you cradling his blushing face like this. He’s still not immune to the way you look at him, even after all this time. “You’re just sayin’ that,” he mumbles, kicking a lone rock with the toe of his show.

You hum in agreement as your hands fall from his face. “Yeah. ‘Cause it’s true.”

“To you, maybe,” Eddie scoffs, trying hard to ignore the pang of anxiety in his chest. “No one else seems to think so.”

He never used to be nervous performing before Vecna tried to kill him. It was the world that was scared of Eddie Munson, not the other way around –– until it nearly ended, anyway. Now, just leaving the house is enough to induce a panic attack. A part of him is always distantly fearful that a stranger’s face will turn out to be the dark wizard’s, back to life and hiding in plain sight again.

“Hey,” you scold, only partially playful. “I think the crowd of five drunks who watch you perform every Tuesday would agree with me.”

Despite the ice-cold apprehension making his limbs feel numb, Eddie manages a breathy chuckle. “You’re right. We could bomb, and they’d still act like we were playing Madison Square Garden or something.”

You soften then, as though sensing his worry. “You’re not gonna bomb, Eds. You guys are gonna do great. Just like always.”

“Sure you can’t come?” Eddie wonders quietly, blinking up at you with a pair of chocolate button eyes that are hard to say no to.

“You know I can’t… I have an early morning tomorrow,” you coo sympathetically, fighting back a smile when the boy’s rosy bottom lip juts in a pout. “But I’ll be right here when you get back, okay? And I’ll make sure to heat up dinner when you’re on your way. So you have something to soak up the alcohol and adrenaline with.”

You tilt your cheek to your shoulder, squinting suspiciously when Eddie’s frown curls into a cheeky grin. He reaches for you with a pair of ringed hangs and squeezes at your clothed hips. “Just like a good little housewife, huh?” he croons mischievously.

You roll your eyes at him ‘cause you’re not a housewife by any means. 

You live in a trailer with his uncle, for one. And you work five days a week, for another. Besides, you’re not even his wife, which you think is usually the first step. (You have no idea Eddie’s already picked a ring out for you. Or that he plans on keeping that a secret until he plays enough shows to afford a house). 

You decide to humor him, anyway. 

“Sure,” you monotone with a slow nod.

Eddie’s grin widens.

“C’mon on, Munson! We’re gonna be late!” Jeff lisps from the passenger side window of the van. The rusted tin can is parked a ways down the drive, packed to the brim with all their band equipment like a perfect game of Tetris.

You lean forward to press a chaste kiss to his mouth.

“Wear that dress I like when I get back?” Eddie murmurs lowly.

You hum with your lips pursed to the side of your mouth, pretending to be deep in thought. “Hmm… I was kinda thinkin’ about wearing nothing, actually,” you answer, shrugging innocently. “You know, for easy access and whatnot.”

Eddie warms all over. His wild head starts to swim at the visual –– one he’s seen a hundred times before that he’s not quiet sure he’ll ever get over. “Have mercy…” the boy mumbles under his breath.

“Just try not to think about it too much while you’re gone…” you lilt knowingly, smoothing both your hands up and over the lapels of his leather jacket. “All alone… Naked in our bed… Trying to get myself off while I wait for you…”

Eddie stares at you with heavy, lidded eyes. He can’t take the chocolates of them off your lips as they curl into a mischievous, tightlipped smile. “How ‘bout I just stay home?” he offers lowly.

A resounding honk blares from the van in a wordless answer. 

Gareth leans out the driver’s side window, face screwed and sandy curls wild. “C’mon, Eddie!” the boy yells like an impatient younger brother. “Put your dick in your pants already so we can go!” 

Eddie’s head swivels back to face you again, chest deflating with a grieving sigh. 

“You have to go,” you tell him, soft and sympathetic, as you press another kiss to his pout. “Have fun, honey,” you croon and step back from him –– knowing exactly what you’re doing as you trek back up the wobbly wooden porch steps.

Before you shut the front door behind you, you flash the boy a curt wave and a pretty smile. It takes a world of strength to keep from following behind you. 

In a perfect world, Eddie would already have the door bolted shut with you pressed against it by now. He’d have your oversized shirt balled up at your ribs and your shorts pulled down to your ankles and his mouth licking over your pretty cotton panties.

He shakes his head in a physical attempt to remove the sinful thoughts from his brain as he stalks back to the van. He keeps his head bowed as he goes, trying to hide his reddened cheeks behind his wild curls. Gareth watches from the window as Eddie tugs at the crotch of his jeans, trying to un-strangle his hard cock like a teenager.

The boy leans between the front seats as Eddie climbs into the driver’s side, slamming the screeching door shut behind him. “You’re pathetic,” Gareth teases through a fit of boyish laughter.

“Shut up,” Eddie grumbles.